Thursday, May 5, 2011

Let's go see

Let's go see if Nana is awake.  Gidget gave me the thumbs up!  She's not...thumbs down. Peggy is not on any drugs at all now and getting her blood checked.  She's drooling up a rainstorm, and I thought it could be her gums.  So we took her to the dentist today.  Everyone was so helpful and understanding, even Peggy.  They cleaned up her mouth and hopefully we'll be able to stay on top of her dental care. It's tough when she won't let you help her.  Prescription anti-bacterial mouthwash should help, as she was able to follow directions to swish and spit.  She has so much drool, she is just gagging.  I thought maybe she was forgetting to swallow.  Linda doesn't think so, because she is eating fine.  Forgetting to swallow is one of the very last stages.
I'm feeling she and I are in a downward spiral.  I keep going over there at different times of day, even night to see her, and I can't find her there.  She's lost in this internal place. She knows it's me, I hold her hand and she grabs mine tight as the rest of her mind spirals down away from me. I want to be able to let her go, so she can catch up with her mind and just rest.  But that's not the way this disease works, it's a very slow drain that is hard to fix.