Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Returning to Infancy

Gidget and I took Peggy for her annual exam at USC research center.  The Doctor comes in and I'm the only one that says hello.  Peggy is in her chair, mouth open, holding on to her blanket.  Gidget is playing games on my android and I have to make her say hello and then start to worry about how her brain is developing with this modern device.
   They said she doesn't need to come back next year, it will be easier to just talk over the phone.  In other words, Peggy can't take any kind of mental test.  Although she did check her vitals and take a look at her reflexes.  It was very interesting and actually quite disturbing because I have known her mind was taking her backwards, but her body now is too.  I watched the Doc touch my Mom's face and Peggy's mouth opened and head turned searching for milk like an infant.  My Mom hold's her hands tightly in a clutch, like a baby does.  I remember trying to smooth out my own children's precious little hands, and watch Allen's huge smile when he thought the baby was grabbing his finger.

Now, it's an old ladies hand, that clutches and searches and it's not precious.  Peggy responds to sounds, to cooing, and singing, you have to be right in front of her to catch her attention.  Just like the strange little creatures we all bring home from the hospital to our homes.  And so this journey continues, backwards.  But today gave me a little more understanding, to see that all she really just needs is shelter, food and love, just like an infant.
Oh, and some anti-psychotic drugs so she won't hurt people.