Monday, May 23, 2011

Adjustments

I'm adjusting.  I went to Whole Foods for flowers and coffee.  I tend to go there before I visit Peggy.  A little breathing space before I go see her.  I'll pick out some flowers that I think she might like, something seasonal, something to talk about.  Or I'll get something she might like to eat, something I might like too.  A treat, or fruit, or... Today I couldn't decide.  I kept picking something up and putting it back.  I blankly wandered around with a sadness that even the bakery section couldn't hide.  I felt defeated.  Nothing was going to make her better.  Nothing I could buy or do would make her better, even for a moment, like it used to.

I finally decided on a bag of oatmeal raisin cookies, a large coffee (for me) and some yogurt for later and left.  Drove to the house and went in.  DING DONG the bell always goes off announcing my arrival.   I pull a chair up next to Peggy and sit down.  I told her about the cookies, and she wants one.  She gobbles it all up like the cookie monster.  She loved it.  Oatmeal raisin cookies have always been her favorite.  And you know what?  They still are.

So I settled in and adjusted to our new norm.  I held her hand, she held mine extra tight. She lurched toward me now and then, but I knew when to back off.  I talked about golf, and mentioned old friends and family names.  She nodded, she smiled, she got crumbs everywhere and I did too.
                                                                      cookie monster