I'm feeling she and I are in a downward spiral. I keep going over there at different times of day, even night to see her, and I can't find her there. She's lost in this internal place. She knows it's me, I hold her hand and she grabs mine tight as the rest of her mind spirals down away from me. I want to be able to let her go, so she can catch up with her mind and just rest. But that's not the way this disease works, it's a very slow drain that is hard to fix.