Thankful.

I am really thankful for these gals.  They are always there for my mom, and smile and give me a hug when I come.

And all these folks spent their Thanksgiving with MY family. Great singing and entertainment by CHADWICK

Thanks guys!!

Not Alone...

So that's the truth.  I'm not alone. The walk, the people, the blogs, the posts, the websites, the information, the conversations, all help me cope.  But honestly, as much as it gives me comfort, it makes me more sad... sad that there are so many people's live enwrapped in this disease.

We did it!

Great Day for a memory walk!  Thank you for all your support.  It was overwhelming to see all the people walking for their family members.  I got a little emotional, knowing all these people have been in the same place as me.  Click here for more alzheimer's walk photos

 p.s. we raised over $2450!!!!!!!!

Sharing Stories

I forgot to mention Sharing Stories Day in Sunny's second grade classroom.  The kids were learning about story last month, and parents were invited to come in and share a story of any kind.  So, I came in and Sunny and I read "What's Your Name Again?"

She read the Sunny parts, and I read the Mom parts.  It was a really wonderful experience.  I was so happy and proud of Sunny.  The kids were really interested, and they loved the Sunny character and asked all kinds of questions afterwards.  Sunny stood up and told them all about her Nana and Alzheimer's Disease.  It was pretty cool.  Then they started talking about their grandparents!  This is my audience, I know this, I believe this.  I know this is a story that must be shared.  It's about showing kindness when you are frustrated, it's not just our story, its a universal story that all the little second graders who had never even heard of alzhiemer's disease could relate to.  Now, if I could just get a publisher to see that too.

Depakote

alzheimer's disease and behavioral symptoms

Here is a link from the Alzheimer's Association that talks about what's happening to Peggy.  It gives me relief to find that it is the disease not her.  I know it is, but it gets so god damn personal sometimes.

Thank you to everyone who has supported us for the walk. The response is overwhelming. Your money goes to things like the website where I am able to research her behavioral problems and drugs.  I have gone from really feeling alone and sad to being uplifted by my friends, family, the doctor, the gals at Sunrise and a little depakote.

"BUT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE!"

That's what she said to me yesterday when I was in the bathroom trying to help her get cleaned up.  It hit me like a smack in the face.  But it didn't hurt.  I was to pre-occupied trying to help her and to not physically get smacked in the face.  Last night, around 2am when I couldn't sleep, that's when it hurt.

from July sketch book

Alzheimer's Walk

We are asking our friends to help us out by donating 5 dollars for our walk to fight alzheimer's. Your hand in helping me fight this disease on all fronts is what we need to stay strong and not give up hope. Alzheimer's disease can be a forgotten memory in our future. Please read my blog, and reach in with your hand and support this incredible organization.

Please visit my donor page to pledge.
Alzhiemer's Walk Donation page

Refusing Care

So, I made it over there...she's not good.  I mean she's bad.  Nushka was trying to help her use the bathroom and clean her.  I jumped in, she was glad to see me.  Nushka, not Peggy.  We tried everything.  She hollered at us, smiled at us, lunged at us, swore at us and well when it comes down to it she plain refused us.  What do you do?  We can't make her take off her pants, and she won't let us help her. She will hit us, and has such a panic in her face and voice that force is not the answer.  I called the Doctor.  More Depacote faxed over immediately.  I'm going to take her to see the doctor tomorrow.

Scary

 We saw her on Saturday for the Halloween carnival, Gidgey and I dressed as puppies, because Sunrise hosted a dog costume parade.  Peggy, we dressed her as a devil.  Red lipstick, red horns, and a red blouse as a cape. We had fun. Then Monday I got another call....more erratic aggressive behavior, she actually broke a helper's glasses.   I hate that I have to mix together everything that is happening in one post.  The fun we had at Sunrise, how she loved the hotdog and our costumes, seeing SUNRISE LIVING on the caller id, the feeling of wanting to rush over there....and not wanting to go at all.

better...

Peggy seems better, it's a dance, knowing how to give her independence as she becomes more and more dependent on other people.   The girls are doing the exact opposite.  While Peggy is going backwards,  the little girls are going forwards.  They challenge their dependency on me as a way of  becoming very independent.  Me, I'm pretty much stuck smack dab in the middle, not going in any direction at all.

Perspective at the Norton Simon Art Museum

I saw them, a group of wandering people.  Some clinging on to each other, some wandering off.  One younger woman pushing a chair trying to keep them all together.  They were a group of Alzheimer's patients.  I saw them from a distance, I knew them, they were strangers, but I knew them as well as I know my mother.

I felt very sad.  I felt that I wish I could be there pushing her around to see all the paintings.  Instead I was looking at the paintings with my class, pondering line and color and value, and why a painting "works." A break from my life as a mother and daughter,  I couldn't concentrate.  I kept watching them.  Oh my god, that's my mom.  She used to take me to the Art Institute of Chicago, we used to go together, we'd take the train, she always wore a raincoat, and every painting in that museum has influenced my life as an artist, as did she.

So I bought her a calendar of Mary Cassat, one of her favorite painters, and a book on Jawlensky, one of my favorite painters as seen above. I'll just bring the museum to her, although I'd much rather take the train.

Hitting, Swearing and aggressive behavior

Peggy?  Yep, that's what the nurse said when she called on Friday.  I thought we figured this out, balanced the meds, she was accepting help, and it was all okay.  When someone you love has Alzheimer's Disease, these turns and shifts in the brain and body and how it functions are always alarming.  What does this "new" development mean?  Is it another stage?  How do we fix this?  Unfortunately the reality is that, yes, it's another stage, but not necessarily a progressive one it's just another plaque stuck in the web of the brain.  It's another barrier to communication with your loved one.

 I saw the confusion on her face today.  I saw her in this sea of time with no mooring, I reached out to her and she swiped at me.  She swore, then said she was sorry, I scolded her, I told her I love her and I apologized to Harriet after she hit and threw a dirty towelette at her face.... I saw her, and I couldn't get her.

2 new residents at Sunrise

Unraveling

Peggy used to be a great knitter...I brought over an afghan she had made and put it on her couch, and asked her if she remembers making it.  She doesn't.  Why do I think memory is so important, or keep asking her stuff like that?
When I told Gidget Nana was waiting in the car at pre-school.  She smiles huge and says "Nana!, I love Nana!"  She simply just loves her Nana, alzheimer's and all. She inspires me.  So now, Peggy knits with Gidget and they make a mess with the yarn.  I keep trying to get them to ravel it back up and organize the colors, and they just roll it back out and  play with it like kittens.

This is a pastel painting I did, called Alzheimer's disease, in 2003 when my mom was first diagnosed.  I used to think it was a portrait of her.....maybe it's me.

See your dentist twice a year, or twice in one week is good too.

This is where Gidget sat with me at the dentist.   This is the place I laid back in the chair, my mouth stuck open, unable to talk where she whispered "I love you."
This is the same place I sat when I took Peggy to the dentist later in the week, she laid back in the chair, her mouth stuck open, unable to talk where I whispered "I love you."

Real Birth Day

We went over on the 30th to visit Nana for her real birthday.  She got lipstick, she still puts it on her hand first to see if the color is good on her skin, just like she used to do at the department store make-up counter.

The Value of Families

Wow!  It's over, everyone left either on the red-eye last night or early this morning.  Peggy was included in everything.  Lot's of eating and being together and playing and talking and driving. "I'll watch the kids, you guys go get Mom."   Everyone was always doing something, and I noticed that Peggy was more alert, more engaged and very happy.  She was still in her world, but something was different, she was with us a little more in the present.  And that's all we wanted, for all of us to be here in the present together.

My art show's special guest

I had an art show of my most recent work up at M Street Coffee, just down the street from Sunrise.   I knew it would be hard to bring my Mom myself. So I had decided not to, because I knew I would have many other things to worry about or take care of, and I usually do stuff at the last minute....like my hair, and label everything.   It is hard to exclude her from important things we do that I want to share with her.  But, sometimes I have to think about myself and the girls first.  So, anyway the reception coincidentally fell on the same week everyone was here, last night... and Peggy Lu brought a special guest.

The Birthday Party

The Birthday Party was a big success.  We all hung out at the Sportsmen's Lodge pool, and in a Suite we sung happy birthday ate cake and enjoyed ourselves.  Peggy had all her people around her, and I could tell that she was very happy.  She thinks she's 5 one minute, 23 another, sometimes 12 but never, ever in a million years would she believe that she is 80.

Grandchildren!!

David and Paul!!

Well, here they are, the real thing, in the flesh.... DAVID AND PAUL!  together.  It was really wonderful. She was so happy to see them.  It was fun to reconfirm with the staff that this is the DAVID AND PAUL she always talks about.

Lunch with Peggy

Gidget, Beverly, Peggy, Joan, Lisa, Sunny

Everyone is starting to arrive for Peggy's 80th birthday party and it's wonderful.  I am so happy everyone is coming.  I also feel sad, for everyone to see her, how she is now.  It took me a while but I'm used to and comfortable with how she is now, but then I see her through their eyes, and I feel emotional.

What's Your Name Again?

This is the book I've been working on for a long long time, my family and my friends and especially my writing group can attest for that.  The less words, the more each one counts.  

For 4 days I went to the Annual Summer SCBWI (Society of Children's Book Writer's and Illustrators).  This was the 3rd summer, I sent "What's Your Name Again?" in for a manuscript review, and....... I got a great review from April Wayland!  She thinks it's ready and to quote her thought "we need this book."  And my teacher from art center the talented, inspiring and award winning Marla Frazee, left me note..."I love the new dummy"  (dummy means mock-up book):)

This book is totally inspired by my girls, their unconditional love for Nana, their silly happy smiles, and enthusiasm for all things.  Even old folks homes....

So, you can read the whole thing here on my website.  

What's Your Name Again?

Art Imitates Life, or is it the other way around?

Busy Days

one day at a time

Where to start when so many things I want to "blog" about happen at once?  Could this be how Peggy feels??  Trying to process something in the past when the future keeps zooming along.