Saturday, June 5, 2010

"Everyone Seems To Be Going Somewhere But Me."

"Everyone seems to be going somewhere except me."  That's what one of the new residents said to me as I was leaving Sunrise today.  Usually I have something nice to say....but I was stumped on this one.  I was like "ummmmmmm, okay, Goodbye" and I blew my mom a kiss from across the room, and shut the door into the safety of the cooridor between the door and the elevator.

It's 5am now...this is my time.  When I can draw, and not go on the computer.   But, I've been wanting to post since my last post.  I felt guilty leaving that video up there, and my frustrations.  I went back to Peggy's the next day with the kids and Beverly.  It was a hubbub of activity up there.  New kitchen cabinets were being installed and everything was moved around, so if you can imagine....Anyway, it was easy, and she was there and happy to see us. And I was happy to see her too.  It really is so much better if I enter her world, instead of trying to make her be in mine.  I think that is really the most important lesson I've learned lately.

Peggy and Beverly.

She had a cough...so the next night I brought over some Buckwheat Honey and night time cold medicine.  Like she used to come in at night and give me when I was a little girl.  She had been in bed all day.  I tried to get her up a little, it's so hard to move her around?  She's like a giant weeble wobble, and I have to laugh, because she laughs too.  I'd sit her up to try and give her a spoon of honey, and she'd just roll back down again.  Oh my.  I had a little quiet time with her and I had a chance to cut her toenails....yikes.  But, she didn't mind, this time.  

I got a call, she fell again.  But she's okay...just the fact that she is starting to fall more now is telling.  She's losing her balance.  We went and saw her, and she was in her wheelchair in her spot at the table.  The girls played with the bird "Grady".  My mom used to be deathly afraid of birds, most of the women in my family are??  She's not anymore.  She sits close and watches the girls hold "Grady".  I always remind them before we get there, that we are visiting Nana too!  They are good, Gidgey told Nana she liked her pretty shoes.  They really do, they like her, they are good to her, they seem to understand her and accept her for who she is and not who she was, unlike me.

One last note, thank you to everyone who leaves messages, or tells me I'm doing a good job, or just even asks about my Mom.  It really does makes me feel good and okay to share all this, even the not so nice stuff.