Monday, May 24, 2010

Good days and bad days are the same

I've been able to spend a little more one on one time with Peggy because Allen's mom is here to help out with the girls.  It's been nice, and then not nice.  Happy and then sad.  What I mean is that I'm able to talk with her and not be distracted by the girlie Q's.  One evening I went over and we looked at every page of this beautiful gardening book.  I even went to an Alzhiemers Association lecture on communication. I was in the "caretaker zone". I took her to the dentist.  She kept telling me what a wonderful driver I was.  I kept saying "thank you" and "that she was a wonderful passenger". I took her to the mall in the wheelchair and strolled her around and she loved it, we bought new shoes and ate lunch and she thought we were at Marshall Fields.  I had time, I had patience.  I had time to think.  It's funny sometimes, she makes me smile, especially when she asks if I have a boyfriend.
Today she had an appointment with Dr. Stern at 4:30.  So I allowed us lots of time, we got the car washed and made our way there... and then all of sudden in the parking lot, she lost control of everything, and I mean everything, her walking, her bowels, her mind.  I should of brought her in the wheelchair.  I thought walking would be good for her and left the heavy wheelchair in the trunk.  She kept wanting to sit her 160 lb. body down where there was no chair.  Finally we made it to the bathroom and into the Dr.'s room and everything calmed down.  We talked seriously about decreasing even more meds, like anti-cholesterol and Fosamx.  "See ya in 3 months" and we were sent off into the abyss of Alzheimer's.
 I got her to wait in a blue chair while I got the wheelchair out of the car.  When I came in, everyone was all smiles.  They thought how great it was she was having such a great time talking to herself.  And how wonderful it is that she is happy.  Honestly, that's usually how I feel.  Really I do.  But not today...today I felt bad, I felt like she was really off her rocker and was so beyond herself and I didn't think it was funny.  So to distract myself, "Let's go to dinner!"  There's an italian restaurant right near here that is supposed to be wonderful.. for a treat."  She thinks that is great.  We valet, and we sit down by the door, and it's really nice.  It's really really nice.  We eat bread and tomatoes, I even had a campari and soda to relax.  I asked her questions and she would answer David and Paul, or Wheaton, Illinois and Faganel Builders.  I talked about her life and she listened.  We had dessert, blueberries and tiramisu....."live life until the end!" we toasted with sparkly water.  Moment to moment and then another moment in the car and she was back to hyper talking and laughing and nonsense, and I was back to feeling sad again. I wanted her to stop.  I wanted her to calm down, and not be so crazy lady, talking to herself.   I just, I don't know.   Today, I wanted her back to normal.
Here is a video from the end of the day... you'll see what I mean
.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5bGO6rpUMw