Monday, September 16, 2013

Visiting?

So Peggy has calmed down a little, and so have I.  Every time we take another step down this ALZ staircase it takes an adjustment for her and for me.  I was talking to Ruby about what is happening and what exactly this stage entails.   I was upset that Peggy seemed very uncomfortable because of her swallowing and coughing, and she said with kindness.  "If it bothers you to visit, don't come as often."  She was worried about me and caregiver burn out, because she has seen it many times before.  But, that's not what  I was worried about, I was worried about Peggy.  I know this disease is just as hard on the caregiver, but Peggy is the one that is slowly dying. Whether it's for weeks or months or years. That's what it is now, dying, not living.  How can I NOT be there for her at this time?  We've made it this far together.  So, I visit, just as often or maybe even a little more because I have accepted where we are now, and if she's sleeping and doesn't know I was there, I do.