Virtual Sundae

She's not eating, so I talk about food.  Is that cruel?  I think she likes it.  Last night I took her to The Crystal Palace in the Marshall Field's Department Store on Michigan Avenue and we had hot fudge sundae's.  I was little, and so my memory is foggy, but I remember it being special times between us.  Maybe that's how her mind is, a few colors, or feelings, tastes or smells.  I tried to remember too, and how we would spoon out the hot fudge from little silver cups with a long spoon in pink wire chairs. As I talked and tried to remember, she began to move her mouth and chew, she really enjoyed hers, and I mine was good too.

Does anyone else remember that place?  I found this fun blog that did.

http://rememberingmarshallfields.blogspot.com/2009/11/crystal-palace.html

That could be me and Peggy in 1974

Point of View

Gidget's Drawing of Peggy

I see Peggy more clearly now.  I was over a couple times last week and she's been responsive in the first few moments I arrive.  When I give her a kiss and tell her that "it's Lois" she leans towards me.  It's acknowledgement, it's her way of... a hug?  Then she goes back.  Is that what I needed?  A hug from her.  Such a small gesture helped me realize that I'm here, that I matter and that she still matters.  I now feel that I can see Peggy the way Gidget does.  Standing tall on earth with lots of life still all around her.

Our Story

We shared.  Colleen Williams from NBC Los Angeles News came over yesterday with her amazing producer Mary Harris and camera guy Sergio.  They are doing a story on us and how we use art to deal with Peggy's Alzheimer's.  They were wonderful, the kids were wonderful.  Sunny sang her ukulele song and Gidget drew the most beautiful picture of her Nana.  Gidget doesn't draw Nana sick in bed.  She draws her standing with pants and shoes, outside with flowers, bees, and butterflies all around her.  I learned so much from that drawing yesterday.  When they asked her to describe her Nana, Alzheimer's wasn't even part of the answer.

We had a pretty intense interview and I said very honest things, especially about the end stages, where she is now.  It also made me realize that my Mother doesn't really have a voice in this story.  It's just us on the outside looking in.  And now the audience will be on the outside looking in on me, looking in.  I went over to her house last night and brought her flowers, and kissed her.  I hope I'm doing right by her.  I know she wouldn't want people to think of her like this, or remember her like this, or looking "awful".  I hope they see her the way Gidget does.

I love you Mom