Just a minute...

I don't mean "just a minute", or "I'll be there in a minute," which we know is longer than 60 seconds and usually means, "I don't really feel like doing that right now."  

What I mean is that even a minute of my time can be enough.  I'm loving Peggy again with a full heart.  I've been stopping by more frequently, for less amount of time.  The last three times have been good.  I like to hug her, let her know I'm there.  She lights up.  A minute to her could mean an eternity, a day, a month, maybe a second, who knows?  It's just that I happen to be living in real time, filled with children, friends, work, chores and there never seems to be enough hours in the day, let alone minutes.  But, when I stop by on my way from this or that to see how she is, I find the real value of a mere minute,  by her smile.

She's still my Mom, and seems as though I'm still learning about life from her.

I'm busy, but she's not.

I am so busy these days, I just realized it's been a week since I visited Peggy.  Then I realized how much has happened over the past month or two.  For starters, it's now 2012.  It was Sunny's birthday, and Valentine's Day, and I started teaching pre-school art, and we got a homemake over for a reality tv show!  Soon it will be St. Patrick's Day, and Peggy's irish eyes will be in the same place.  In her room, waiting, and dreaming and sleeping and being bathed by someone else.  I can't think about it too much.  I cried the time before last when I visited.  She loves the Beatles. Allen made her a special soundtrack, and when I go over there, the music keeps me company and she seems to like it.  She's in between my life, and I love her the same, but now instead of always trying to include her in everything, she feels like a separate entity.  Again it's a new normal, and I'm adjusting.  I just can't look forward or back, so when I visit the music fills the space and when she gets a sad face when I leave, I have to look away, and just turn up the music a little so it can be there, when I'm not.