Wednesday, June 14, 2017

The Gift of Presence

This article a friend of mine shared on Facebook  helped me realize a little bit of what we have been through.  It's advice on how not to "help" someone suffering. This was a huge thing for me to succumb too.  This was a difficult lesson for me to learn taking care of my Mom.  Throughout her time with Alzheimer's, there was less and less I could do to "help" her.  Succumbing to simply being there was difficult, yet when I did realize that being there was enough, I did see her soul and that connection lasted until the very bitter end. Although the article is mostly about depression, I think it applies to everyone. Here is the link to this article on the website on being by Parker J. Palmer.

Friday, June 2, 2017

There were 2 ladies outside the grocery store today. I didn't see them going in.  I walked out with my avocados and eggs and they said to me "Would you like to give to Alzheimer's"  I kept walking and said "I'm sorry, no." then murmured to myself,  "I've given enough."

pastel sketch

Friday, May 12, 2017

I saw you...

I saw you.
Walking slowly,
I saw her
Blank stare,
Walking slower.

I knew you.
Where you were,
Why you were there, and
How you wanted it to be lovely.

A walk in the garden,
By her side.
Thinking you were alone,
But you weren't because,
I have been there too.

This is a poem and the first thing I have written about Peggy, and it's actually about a mother and daughter I saw in Descanso gardens.   I didn't speak to them, but I knew the older woman had Alzheimer's.  I wanted to stop and hug them, but I didn't.  I just kept going, like life does, but my heart aches for them and for what Peggy and I went through.  Yet, my heart also fills with the love we shared when the disease grabbed ahold of her, and I never let go.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Peggy died.

Peggyy died December 18, 2016.  I'm not ready to share the experience with this blog.  I don't know how to end it.  I have done drawings, I've slept so much, and received lovely and heartfelt condolences from my friends and family who have listened to me share this journey.  So this is all I have for now, a notice, an announcement.  There are so many angles to go in writing this post that I can't sum up our experience in one final blog post. The end? I don't know.  It's uncomfortable to share so much, but my heart aches for those that will follow me in this Alzheimer's story. So, I will write, draw, share, advocate and be brave and honest, just not right now. Thank you for listening and caring.  Most of all I want to thank Peggy, for being my Mom.