Returning to Infancy

Gidget and I took Peggy for her annual exam at USC research center.  The Doctor comes in and I'm the only one that says hello.  Peggy is in her chair, mouth open, holding on to her blanket.  Gidget is playing games on my android and I have to make her say hello and then start to worry about how her brain is developing with this modern device.
   They said she doesn't need to come back next year, it will be easier to just talk over the phone.  In other words, Peggy can't take any kind of mental test.  Although she did check her vitals and take a look at her reflexes.  It was very interesting and actually quite disturbing because I have known her mind was taking her backwards, but her body now is too.  I watched the Doc touch my Mom's face and Peggy's mouth opened and head turned searching for milk like an infant.  My Mom hold's her hands tightly in a clutch, like a baby does.  I remember trying to smooth out my own children's precious little hands, and watch Allen's huge smile when he thought the baby was grabbing his finger.

Now, it's an old ladies hand, that clutches and searches and it's not precious.  Peggy responds to sounds, to cooing, and singing, you have to be right in front of her to catch her attention.  Just like the strange little creatures we all bring home from the hospital to our homes.  And so this journey continues, backwards.  But today gave me a little more understanding, to see that all she really just needs is shelter, food and love, just like an infant.
Oh, and some anti-psychotic drugs so she won't hurt people.

Blogging

Here is Peggy last month at USC for her Alzheimer's research study.  Here I am on the internet. 

As I was walking in the other night to see her, I began thinking about all the stuff I hadn't "updated" on the blog.  Peggy Lu's visit, the cherry pie my girlfriend gave me, the girls, my girls, my precious little girls and all the wonderful things they do and say.   Of course, I got "side" tracked as you can see by my previous post. 

 Why do I do it?  I started this blog to give people back home updates on how she is doing out here in California.  But this blog, has become bigger than that.  I want to raise awareness of this personality robbing disease.  

 The look in her eyes when I put her to bed yesterday made me feel her.  I'm ususally just trying to "manage" her.   She pulled my hair, and looked at me, like I was hers.  It was brief, it was beautiful, it was quiet. 

People say that it effects the family more that the patient, I disagree.  In that look she gave me, I felt her loss.  She is here, but not.  Imagine if it were you. I thought of my girls looking at me, and me trying to look out and reach for them, but couldn't.

Participating in research studies.

I don't want this to happen to other people.  I still know the power of all the good attitude and positive talk and the acceptance of Peggy.  But the plain fact is that her brain doesn't work anymore.  She can't take care of herself, and doesn't know up from down or how to get her body there. 

Please share this blog, tweet it, follow it, whatever.  Let's make this research really count.

Thanks.
Lois

11, 10, 9, 8...

Eight.  That was her assessment for this year.  I took Peggy to USC for her annual review because she is participating in the Alzheimer's research program there.  When I first brought her there she was at 11.  Now she is at 8.  What does that mean?  Well...I think this video represents it very well.  Like it says, 8 turns around upon itself.  So, instead of getting frustrated about not really ever getting anywhere with her, I'm just going to sing this song, one of my favorites from School House Rock.