"Don't take a picture of my ass and put it on the internet"

WHO the heck said that?? I'm not sure which is more shocking, that she said ass or internet.  How does she even know the word internet?  I've never heard her say ass in my life.  This is how these visits go, it's the pleasant with the unpleasant.  I went by myself to make christmas cards with her like we did last year, like she always used to do. She was happy to see me, I put on a christmas cd, turned all the lights on in her room, lit up the tree, gave her a snowman, put on her christmas scarf . We ate english toffee and drank  peppermint tea.  She signed her name!  We sang along to songs, and giggled, and said nonsense words and every once in a while she would say "your Lois".  And I would say "your Peggy, write it down".  We were in our own zone.  Then Nushik, whom I love by the way, helped her go to the bathroom.  She is so good with her.  Pulling down my mother's pants is a sure fire way to get a big shiner just in time for Christmas.  That's when she yells all that crazy stuff about asses and the internet.  Those moments are scary.  The reality is, they have to do this for her many  times a day, every day and night! They have to handle her and manage her, and change her clothes and do all the stuff she doesn't want them to do.

I come and bring her candy, of course she's nice to me. 

Then as I'm leaving Claudia stops me, and asks me how I could get Peggy to participate in things.  What does she like? And things like that. She wants to help her, engage her, make her happy, but she is being anti-social.  She doesn't want to do anything.  She's totally in her own world.  Peggy was never like that.  I remember her telling me that she couldn't wait to live with people and do all the activities and parties.  And she did. In Wheaton she was at independent living, and always was the first to sign up for trips to the city, plays and social events.  Even in Assisted Living, she was still pretty active, taking the bus for rides places and doing the excercise classes...now she doesn't want any part of it. It's so sad, because it's not just the loss of memory.  It's the loss of herself.


So Merry Christmas to all my wonderful caregivers, you are true angels in the very forefront of this battle against Alzheimer's and trying against so many obstacles to keep Peggy healthy and happy.

Hitting, Swearing and aggressive behavior

Peggy?  Yep, that's what the nurse said when she called on Friday.  I thought we figured this out, balanced the meds, she was accepting help, and it was all okay.  When someone you love has Alzheimer's Disease, these turns and shifts in the brain and body and how it functions are always alarming.  What does this "new" development mean?  Is it another stage?  How do we fix this?  Unfortunately the reality is that, yes, it's another stage, but not necessarily a progressive one it's just another plaque stuck in the web of the brain.  It's another barrier to communication with your loved one.

 I saw the confusion on her face today.  I saw her in this sea of time with no mooring, I reached out to her and she swiped at me.  She swore, then said she was sorry, I scolded her, I told her I love her and I apologized to Harriet after she hit and threw a dirty towelette at her face.... I saw her, and I couldn't get her.