See your dentist twice a year, or twice in one week is good too.

This is where Gidget sat with me at the dentist.   This is the place I laid back in the chair, my mouth stuck open, unable to talk where she whispered "I love you."
This is the same place I sat when I took Peggy to the dentist later in the week, she laid back in the chair, her mouth stuck open, unable to talk where I whispered "I love you."

Real Birth Day

We went over on the 30th to visit Nana for her real birthday.  She got lipstick, she still puts it on her hand first to see if the color is good on her skin, just like she used to do at the department store make-up counter.

The Value of Families

Wow!  It's over, everyone left either on the red-eye last night or early this morning.  Peggy was included in everything.  Lot's of eating and being together and playing and talking and driving. "I'll watch the kids, you guys go get Mom."   Everyone was always doing something, and I noticed that Peggy was more alert, more engaged and very happy.  She was still in her world, but something was different, she was with us a little more in the present.  And that's all we wanted, for all of us to be here in the present together.

My art show's special guest

I had an art show of my most recent work up at M Street Coffee, just down the street from Sunrise.   I knew it would be hard to bring my Mom myself. So I had decided not to, because I knew I would have many other things to worry about or take care of, and I usually do stuff at the last minute....like my hair, and label everything.   It is hard to exclude her from important things we do that I want to share with her.  But, sometimes I have to think about myself and the girls first.  So, anyway the reception coincidentally fell on the same week everyone was here, last night... and Peggy Lu brought a special guest.

The Birthday Party

The Birthday Party was a big success.  We all hung out at the Sportsmen's Lodge pool, and in a Suite we sung happy birthday ate cake and enjoyed ourselves.  Peggy had all her people around her, and I could tell that she was very happy.  She thinks she's 5 one minute, 23 another, sometimes 12 but never, ever in a million years would she believe that she is 80.

Grandchildren!!

David and Paul!!

Well, here they are, the real thing, in the flesh.... DAVID AND PAUL!  together.  It was really wonderful. She was so happy to see them.  It was fun to reconfirm with the staff that this is the DAVID AND PAUL she always talks about.

Lunch with Peggy

Gidget, Beverly, Peggy, Joan, Lisa, Sunny

Everyone is starting to arrive for Peggy's 80th birthday party and it's wonderful.  I am so happy everyone is coming.  I also feel sad, for everyone to see her, how she is now.  It took me a while but I'm used to and comfortable with how she is now, but then I see her through their eyes, and I feel emotional.

What's Your Name Again?

This is the book I've been working on for a long long time, my family and my friends and especially my writing group can attest for that.  The less words, the more each one counts.  

For 4 days I went to the Annual Summer SCBWI (Society of Children's Book Writer's and Illustrators).  This was the 3rd summer, I sent "What's Your Name Again?" in for a manuscript review, and....... I got a great review from April Wayland!  She thinks it's ready and to quote her thought "we need this book."  And my teacher from art center the talented, inspiring and award winning Marla Frazee, left me note..."I love the new dummy"  (dummy means mock-up book):)

This book is totally inspired by my girls, their unconditional love for Nana, their silly happy smiles, and enthusiasm for all things.  Even old folks homes....

So, you can read the whole thing here on my website.  

What's Your Name Again?

Art Imitates Life, or is it the other way around?

Busy Days

one day at a time

Where to start when so many things I want to "blog" about happen at once?  Could this be how Peggy feels??  Trying to process something in the past when the future keeps zooming along.

What's Your Name Again?

I've been working on a children's book for 3 years about Sunny and my Mom....this weekend is the SCBWI conference (Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators) Right Now I am putting together a book dummy....like a mock up of what the book could look like if published.  Wish me luck!!!!  More about it later, I've got to get back to work!

Everyone is coming!!!

I'm so excited.  We are all going to be together for Peggy's 80th birthday.   David, Paul, Lois, Peggy Lu and our spouses and kids.  Joan is coming down too.  Peggy helped raise all of us, and I'm just so happy we can all be together because of her....

My Mother's Advocate

Not something I do well.  I had a "nice" discussion, and then came home picked up the phone and left what I really wanted to say on his voicemail....

My friend just sent me this....

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink".Pepsiwill market the new concoction by the name of:  MOUNT & DO. Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.

Forget Memory by Anne Davis Basting

Forget Memory

This book is a wonderful way to look at the effects of Alzheimer's.  And yes, there is a wonderful way to look at it.  After the cherry pie, I read through this again, and felt confidence in how I am with my Mom.
Trust me, I had my hand in the toilet for an hour trying to get a urine sample from Peggy.  And it was okay.  It was probably one of the silliest times I have ever had in my life.  I brought new clothes for Peggy over and stopped at the library and got videos and books for the girls and we went over for the afternoon. Because I really wanted to accomplish this "tinkle task"again, (yes, this is not the first time I had to do this.)  It's hard enough to get my girls to go on the potty. But I do, so I was up for the challenge!  Anyway, the girls kept coming in the bathroom giving her dixie cups of water and doing a fashion show of Nana's new clothes, dragging them on the floor and giggling like crazy, as I constantly had to explain to my mother why I had my hand in the toilet and what tinkle was, and.....it makes me laugh, not cry, and that's okay.

I'm sure this is the most ridiculous review of a very helpful book, but please add this to your collection if you are researching or curious about the disease.


p.s. no tinkle.....

Cherry Pie with Carey Grant

There have been a lot of changes with Peggy lately.... she is really can't walk at all anymore, and is in the wheelchair all the time.  She also has developed a weird kind of stuttering, a hyper high pitched nanananannananananannnanNANANANANAN! kind of sound, ususally goes with a finger point and then laughter.  There have also been some major changes at Sunrise.  Changes in staff and fees. I got a letter saying that she was going to be moved to a plus plus care level....(more money).  I have to admit I was really taken a back by this, I was very frustrated and quite offended that we didn't have a conversation about Peggy. Instead, I got a form letter.  I am a present person there, and not being involved in any conversation regarding Peggy,  I felt very very....sad,angry and deceived.  I have to be my mother's advocate on all levels.  So I took her to the Doctor and we talked about what's happening, what it means.  It means it's a degenerative disease.  It's going to get worse.  I know that.  But how?   Time.  How much?  Years?  Geez....I cried at the Doctor....ugh.  More drugs?  Back on drugs?  That's my decision.  I don't think so...I know where this is going, I just want it to get there....and that makes me cry.  

So I took her out for cherry pie.  This diner had these old Hollywood Pictures, she loved Carey Grant and kept asking who that was. She liked looking at all the pictures.  I started to relax with her, it took a while to just let it all go, let her be who she is now, and for me to just get a piece of pie too.  




When I brought her back to Sunrise, I was able to handle this stupid disease again.  I talked to the nurse there, made an appointment to talk to the management.  Went and bought her some new summer clothes at Drapper and Damon's and went home.  Hugged the girls, wrote down all the  follow-up appointments on the calendar and thanked my husband for watching the girls while I spent the afternoon helping my mom.

Just watching Tv with Nana

The Scholastic Books classic video series

one step at a time

   When my mom was first diagnosed we all took it one day at a time....now it's one step at a time. Alzheimer's seems to have a progression like a stair case.  Steps. Not a slide where she slowly fades away or becomes more confused. Big giant steps where one day she can do or remember something and the next day she can't and then that's where we are.  

    The other day this nice gal was doing a painting lesson with the residents.  The girls were excited and jumped right in.  Peggy was over by the TV area.  So I got her up and wanted her to join everybody.  I swear it took us 20 minutes to walk 50 feet.  Every step would be "where are we going?"  and I would respond... "over there, with the girls, see them?"  Then Peggy would say "Oh, okay, how wonderful." and not move.  I tried to get in front of her and coax her, I tried to walk with her, I tried to hold her arm, say different things....then she might take one tiny step and then it would start all over again.  "Where are we going?"   She has no forward momentum.  She can't take a step, because she doesn't remember the last one.  She's stuck in this place.  She's stuck in this place of...I don't know....she's constantly on rewind and the tape keeps playing shorter and shorter.

We finally sat down and I think she enjoyed watching Sunny paint right across from her.  She always says how beautiful we all are, and she is still present, she is still here, and so are we.
More photos of our paintings can be found here....Painting with Peggy

"Mom, watch me!"

I know I keep saying that I must enter her world to have true understanding and compassion. Well, I threw that theory out the window and today I took her into mine.  When I went to Sunrise today she was still asleep.  She didn't want to get up.  I hung around the room, put things away...kept talking to her and she started to smile.  I had brought fresh orange juice and slowly she started to get up, then sit up, and then we drank it.  I remembered how when she lived in Florida we used to go to the best Orange juice stand in the world, you could drink cold free orange juice out of these paper cone cups. mmmmm.....I told her about that.  Then everyone helped get her ready....

And there she was all ready to go, somewhere?  Okay!  I had to go get Gidgey from school, so I took her with me, I had enough time and a wheelchair.  It's no easy feat getting her in and out of that thing, or the car for that matter, but I was up for the challenge.  It was a beautiful day here, the Jacaranda trees are incredible.  So...I took her into my world.  I wheeled her to Sunnyside!  Where I have painted murals, and have made a place for myself in "California".  She's always, always asking me where I live.
So today I showed her.

I showed her what I've done, who I am, my girls, my friends, my world, what I've grown up to be, and where I live.

Holding My Mother

What she sees.

This is her view.  The girls, the dog, the bed, which we moved onto the floor because it was too high.  Every time she sees it, it's new.  Can you imagine?  Anyway, so much for the headboard I searched all over for... that doesn't matter, now she can get into bed a little easier.  The girls and Bee and me all went over for a "movie night in Pajamas with popcorn."

Alzheimer's Reading Room: Keeping The Love Alive: The Color of Love

Alzheimer's Reading Room: Keeping The Love Alive: The Color of Love

Old VCR tapes?

I picked up some videos at the Studio City Library Sale.  It's the last Saturday of the month and helps support the library, better yet...great finds for 50 cents!  I don't really want to share the link, but I will because I love whoever is reading this.

Anyway, they love old musicals and old tv shows up at Sunrise.  All in the Family makes them laugh.  So, if anyone is finally ditching all their VCR's stuff, they still have a video machine up there.  Here is a link to recycling those old ones.

I stopped there by myself really quickly on my way to Sunnyside where I am painting another mural.  I had on my overalls, and my mom kept saying how pretty I was.  She was sitting at her table where she always sits by herself...well not really.  She is always talking to someone that is not there.  I kissed her and left, and she went back to talking to whoever, and was looking at the movies.

"Everyone Seems To Be Going Somewhere But Me."

"Everyone seems to be going somewhere except me."  That's what one of the new residents said to me as I was leaving Sunrise today.  Usually I have something nice to say....but I was stumped on this one.  I was like "ummmmmmm, okay, Goodbye" and I blew my mom a kiss from across the room, and shut the door into the safety of the cooridor between the door and the elevator.

It's 5am now...this is my time.  When I can draw, and not go on the computer.   But, I've been wanting to post since my last post.  I felt guilty leaving that video up there, and my frustrations.  I went back to Peggy's the next day with the kids and Beverly.  It was a hubbub of activity up there.  New kitchen cabinets were being installed and everything was moved around, so if you can imagine....Anyway, it was easy, and she was there and happy to see us. And I was happy to see her too.  It really is so much better if I enter her world, instead of trying to make her be in mine.  I think that is really the most important lesson I've learned lately.

Peggy and Beverly.

She had a cough...so the next night I brought over some Buckwheat Honey and night time cold medicine.  Like she used to come in at night and give me when I was a little girl.  She had been in bed all day.  I tried to get her up a little, it's so hard to move her around?  She's like a giant weeble wobble, and I have to laugh, because she laughs too.  I'd sit her up to try and give her a spoon of honey, and she'd just roll back down again.  Oh my.  I had a little quiet time with her and I had a chance to cut her toenails....yikes.  But, she didn't mind, this time.  

I got a call, she fell again.  But she's okay...just the fact that she is starting to fall more now is telling.  She's losing her balance.  We went and saw her, and she was in her wheelchair in her spot at the table.  The girls played with the bird "Grady".  My mom used to be deathly afraid of birds, most of the women in my family are??  She's not anymore.  She sits close and watches the girls hold "Grady".  I always remind them before we get there, that we are visiting Nana too!  They are good, Gidgey told Nana she liked her pretty shoes.  They really do, they like her, they are good to her, they seem to understand her and accept her for who she is and not who she was, unlike me.

One last note, thank you to everyone who leaves messages, or tells me I'm doing a good job, or just even asks about my Mom.  It really does makes me feel good and okay to share all this, even the not so nice stuff.